WWE
RAW wRestling Recap for the April 1, 2019 Episode of Monday Night RAW
The First Hour
The show kicks off with the creator of the Universe, Stephanie McMahon.
She nearly causes D.C. to riot when she jokingly adds herself to the Women’s Championship match at WrestleMania. Steph cuts straight to the chase and says both the RAW Women’s and SmackDown Women’s Championships will be on the line in the Triple Threat main event.
A rare Brock Lesnar appears next with the father of ECW, Paul E Dangerously, by his side.
Paul thinks he is in a geriatric unit or something because he introduces himself and Brock like we don’t already worship the ground he walks on.
Paul says Seth can bring everything he has to try and beat Brock, but he will not be successful.
Colby Lopez role-playing as Seth Rollins waltzes on down to the ring. He tells Brock no one wants him here. He says that everyone is sick and tired of seeing Brock.
Seth says he’s taking Brock’s title and there’s nothing he can do about it. Brock bumps past Seth, but Seth takes Brock to D*ck Kick City, b*tch. But Brock gets him back by taking him to Suplex City, b*tch.
Brock tries for an F-5, but Seth takes him to D*ck Punch City, b*tch, superkicks him in the head, then Curbstomps him into the canvas.
Charly Caruso, being the heel she is, tells Seth kicking Brock in the d*ck won’t make him champion. Seth says that’s true, but he’s not champion… yet.
Women’s 8-Man Tag Team: The Boss N’ Hug Connection and The Divas of Doom vs The IIconics and Nia Jax & Tamina
Result: Beth pins Peyton
- Beth Phoenix earns the win for her team via the Glam Slam
Drax the Destroyer marches to the ring after the show returns from commercial. He does a “finger point of doom” to the Titantron and a video package of him beating up Triple H starts playing.
Batista tells Trips to kiss his ass and drops the mic.
Elias reminds us he will be the greatest WrestleMania musical performance by giving us a little preview of what will come.
One on One: Apollo Crews vs Jinder Mahal
Result: Apollo pins Jinder
- Corey Graves gets a little weird with Renee on commentary
- Apollo pins Jinder after hitting a Frog Splash
Kurt Angle comes out next. He thanks the fans for always giving him a response through the good times and bad.
A promo package of Kurt’s best moments plays on the Titantron. Kurt starts crying and so does everyone else.
Baron Corbin shows up, which makes everyone cry more.
Rey Mysterio comes out to defend the honor of Kurt Angle. He suggests he replaces Baron at ‘Mania. Baron attacks Rey, but Rey and Kurt fight him off.
The Second Hour
Charly Caruso interviews the only person more heelish than her: Charlotte Flair. Charly asks Charlotte how she feels about having to defend her SmackDown Women’s Championship. Charlotte says she changes the game and will beat both Ronda Rousey and Becky Lynch. Charlotte says she isn’t worried about teaming up with her opponents.
RAW Tag Team Championships Two on Two Tag Team: Rick O’Shea & Aleister Black vs The Revival (c)
Result: The Revival win via countout
- The feed freezes when Ricochet jumps over the corner post onto The Revival, but at least Renee looses her mind when it happens
- Dawson trips up Ricochet from under the ring to get him counted out
Ronda Rousey predicts the return of Judgement Day to WWE’s pay-per-view calendar.
An SNL skit comes to life next. Alexa successfully revives EC3 and Tyler Breeze and tells them they are in the Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal.
Braun Strowman threatens to beat up a few jobbers while pretending they’re the SNL guys.
Charly Caruso wants to shed her heelish skin and interview Roman Reigns to do so. But, before her transformation is complete, Drew “I Wasn’t in 3MB, Leave Me Alone” McIntyre attacks Roman.
Hour 3 and Things Start to Get a Little Interesting
Women’s 6-Man Tag Team: The Riott Squad vs Charlotte Flair, Becky Lynch and Ronda Rousey
Result: Ronda submits Liv
- Before the match, Becky tells Charly the Heel that she will beat both Ronda and Charlotte at WrestleMania. She says that she will keep her head level to ensure she will stay in the main event
- Charlotte tags herself in when Becky goes for the win. Ronda tags herself in after and submits Liv Morgan with a very poorly applied Armbar
After the match, Ronda, Charlotte and Becky start beating each other up. Security arrives to break them up, but the girls fight them off. The freakin’ police show up and try to break up the fight.
Ronda breaks free, but gets detained. Becky goes in for an attack on Ronda, but gets handcuffed also. Charlotte shows up and attacks Ronda. She ends up in handcuffs too.
Ronda, Becky and Charlotte are all being taken backstage with the police trying to put them into their cars.
The D.C. police make a horrible mistake of putting Ronda and Becky in the same car. Ronda and Becky start kicking each other. Ronda kicks out the window. While trying to get Becky into a different car, Charlotte breaks out and starts kicking Becky. Ronda climbs into the front seat of her car and drives it into a police cruiser.
Ronda is put back into the backseat of one of the police cars. Charlotte delivers a pretty neat Knee Trembler to Ronda when she mistakenly sticks her head out the broken window.
Ronda and Becky get driven off in different cars while Charlotte screams at the police.
Two on Two: Roode & Gable vs Heavy Machinery
Result: Otis pins Gable
- Tucker dunks Gable on his head
- Otis hits the Caterpillar on Bobby
- Otis pins Gable after hitting The Compactor with Tucker
1-on-2 Handicap: Braun Strowman vs Two Unfortunate Souls
Result: Braun murders two people
Bobby Lashley and Lio Rush arrive to the ring. Finn Balor pops up on the Titantron and shows us his Demon.
One on One: Baron Corbin vs Rey Mysterio
Result: Corbin pins Mysterio
- Corbin pins Rey after hitting the Deep Six
Kurt Angle jumps Baron Corbin on the stage and slaps on the Ankle Lock. The show fades to black with Kurt celebrating on the stage.
Social Media
Isn’t Alexa the “hostess” of ‘Mania, not the host?
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Photo credit to WWE via Instagram
